English Facebook Status

This dog, is dog, a dog, good dog, way dog, to dog, keep dog, an dog, idiot dog, busy dog, for dog, 30 dog, seconds dog!
…
Now read without the word dog.

I’m cle’a[ni.ng m'y' ke]yb36oa;rd.

Roses are Red, Nuts are brown, Skirts go Up, Pants go Down, Body to Body, Skin to Skin, When it is Stiff, Stick it In, The Longer its In, The stronger it Gets, It goes in Dry, Comes out Wet, It comes out dripping,and it starts to Sag, Its not what you Think …Its a Teabag!

Be nice to nerds, Chances are you will be working for them.

I am not convinced Bin Laden is dead! He just accepted my friend request!

When I die, i`m gonna have a “like” and “dislike” button on my gravestone!

Your makeup looks like you have been gangbanged by crayola!

Remembers the day when blackberry and apple were just fruit!

Just deleted 100 friends… if you are reading this congrats my friend

There are 10 kinds of people in the world, those who understand binary and those who don’t.

Nobody dies a virgin, life fucks everyone.

Last Night I Dreamt I was Eating A Giant Marshmallow. When I Woke Up My Pillow Was Gone!

Boy: Daddy? How did I come into this world???
Dad: Listen carefully...
Mom & dad met each other in a cyber cafe. In the restrooms of that cyber cafe,
dad connected to mom a big USB. Mom at that time made some downloads
from dad's memory stick. When dad finished uploading we discovered we did not use firewall. Since it was too late to cancel or delete, nine months later we ended up w/ a virus.

Senior Citizen Texting Code
ATD: At The Doctor's
BFF: Best Friend Farted
BTW: Bring The Wheelchair
BYOT: Bring Your Own Teeth
CBM: Covered By Medicare
CGU: Can't get up
CGIP: Can't get IT up
CUATSC: See You At The Senior Center
DWI: Driving While Incontinent
FWB: Friend With Beta Blockers
FWIW: Forgot Where I Was
FYI: Found Your Insulin
GGPBL: Gotta Go, Pacemaker Battery Low!
GHA: Got Heartburn Again
HGBM: Had Good Bowel Movement
IMHO: Is My Hearing-Aid On?
LMDO: Laughing My Dentures Out
LOL: Living On Lipitor
LWO: Lawrence Welk's On
OMMR: On My Massage Recliner
OMSG: Oh My! Sorry, Gas.
PIMP: Pooped in my pants
ROFL... CGU: Rolling On The Floor Laughing... And Can't Get Up
SGGP: Sorry, Gotta Go Poop
TTYL: Talk To You Louder
WAITT: Who Am I Talking To?
WTFA: Wet The Furniture Again
WTP: Where's The Prunes?
WWNO: Walker Wheels Need Oil
GLKI (Gotta Go, Laxative Kicking In)